the Diva Platform

This past weekend I spent a lot of time in a car and a lot of time in the ‘burbs, two tasks I am not prone to do.  However, I did get a few stories out of the deal, so let’s get started on them.

Saturday was the focal point of the weekend: Dark Lord Day at Three Floyds Brewery.  This is the one day of the year you can get Three Floyds’ Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout.  I’m not much of a stout drinker, but I recently had a taste of last year’s, and it’s something else.  If you like your beer to be the consistency of used motor oil, this is the beer for you!

At any rate, Three Floyds now has a big festival around the whole beer release, and it’s a pretty big deal in the microbrew world–people drive and fly in from all over to attend.  Astrochick and Eddie Glick came down especially for this occasion and made a full weekend out of it, and it was pretty awesome to be able to hang out with them again.  This was the first Dark Lord Day for all of us–they’d planned to go last year, but that trip got cancelled (just as well, because the line for beer was long, and some people just didn’t get any after waiting in line for hours).

This year Three Floyds insistuted a “Golden Ticket” policy.  One person could buy up to two Golden Tickets, which guaranteed that you’d be able to purchase a set number of bottles (and get a taste on the side).  Yeah, I know it sounds weird to buy an opportunity to buy a product, but I thought it would be fun, and we’d be able to get our hands on this beer (which some people are trying to sell on ebay for $50-60/bottle).  Besides, proceeds from the Golden Tickets went to the Anti-Cruelty Society, so that was at least something.

Having a Golden Ticket also meant we had a long window for buying beer, so we didn’t have to get there really early.  And even though we got there after noon, that was probably still too early because of the massive lines for everything.

We parked at Ma & Pa Jaracz’ and Ma drove us over (smart, since there wasn’t much parking).  The place was mobbed–people had brought RVs and coolers and chairs.  We hadn’t known what to expect, but we didn’t expect this.  You had to get in line to buy food, to get into the brewpub, and to buy Dark Lord.  When we got there, we couldn’t even tell how long the Dark Lord line was, so we bought beers to drink while we found the end and waited.

And then we walked.  And walked.  The line ended two buildings down from the brewery and started spiraling in a parking lot.  We thought we’d be there for hours.  At this point I figured out why it was called a Russian imperial stout: We had to wait in line like commies in order to buy it.  In fact, #2 and her family were supposed to join us, but we called and said not to come because the kids would get too impatient waiting in line, and there wasn’t much room to really run around.  They did, however, save us by bringing a bucket of KFC with all the fixins, which we desperately needed by the time we got to the front of the line (other people had pizzas delivered.  It was insane!).

Surprisingly though, the line went fairly quickly.  I was sure we were going to be in it for a good three hours, but it only took half that long (”only”).  Helped by the soothing power of beer, we enjoyed the process.  Beerfest-goers are pretty fun to hang around.  They appreciate good beer, so you have something to talk about.  People also bring beer to share and trade, and they’re more than happy to pour a taste of something phenomenal in your glass (thanks to the guy who shared the Alaskan Smoked Porter).  Plus, the Boy likes to talk to people, so he went off and made friends (a shout out to our new friends at Lush Wine & Spirits!), and we all just had a good time.  Yes, it rained on us (and our chicken dinner).  No, we didn’t really hear any of the bands we’d hoped to see.  No, we didn’t get any BBQ.  No, we didn’t buy any t-shirts or any other paraphernalia.  Yes, we did spill beer on everything (I spent part of yesterday mopping beer off my wallet–including credit cards–and purse)–including this classic by the Boy, which I don’t quite know how he managed:  In one hand he held two cups, one with a pretty full Robert the Bruce, the other with a taste of Dark Lord.  He went to drink the Dark Lord and tipped both glasses, spilling a lot of Robert the Bruce down his front.  It was pretty amazing.

Once we were done hanging out and eating, we called Ma Jaracz to come pick us up, and then we brought some beer to #2 and hung out with them for as long as they could stand these people who reeked of beer (Hey, kids!  Don’t be afraid of Auntie Jill and Uncle Boy–they’re just wearing some hop perfume….Yeah).  Then it was time to turn Eddie’s Gremlin back toward the city and put the Dark Lord on ice.

How does it taste?  Well, I’ll be honest–I’m not a big stout person, but even I can tell this stuff is pretty damn good.  First off, it’s definitely a sipping beer because at something like 13-15% ABV (alcohol by volume) it has the power to put you under the table quickly.  But you don’t want to drink it fast because it also has a lot of complexity–chocolate and coffee notes–and a long finish.  Savor it, share it, but definitely sip it.  And then hold on until you can get a taste of it again next year.