the Diva Platform

An apology to all those born in February:  It happens to be one of my least favorite months.  I hate to say that because I know a lot of great people who were born in February, but I’m always glad to see it end.  When I worked in an office, I had a interior desk, which meant no outside windows, and at the end of the day I’d always see it was dark, that I’d missed most of the daylight, and that was depressing.  By the time February ended, I’d be able to leave while it was still light, and every year I thought, “I survived another winter!  I made it through February!”

February seems to have that bleakness, and it’s like that every year.  The holidays are over, and the holiday bills are due.  We’ve had a couple of months of bad, cold weather, and February digs in with more.  It’s just not pleasant, and with its regularity, I think I don’t suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, it’s more like February Affective Disorder.  Do you ever feel that way?

Now that I work at home, I do get to experience a lot more sunlight, and I don’t have that same dread about missing most of the day.  February still seems to be a bit rough though, and this year’s version was definitely trying.  Between surgeries, running around, taking care of people, getting insurance and tax paperwork done, discussing what career plan is next for the Boy, and getting to events I’m still supposed to write about, I haven’t gotten much work done.  I feel sapped creatively, and most of my days have seemed full of countless interruptions.  I’m looking forward to that changing so that I can get back to work.

Things are starting to improve.  The Boy is making progress with his health and tomorrow starts a sweet three-month consulting gig that should give him some credentials toward a career he’d rather have, not to mention getting him out of the house.  His ear is improving.  Pa Jaracz is home from the hospital and can eat soft foods.  He’s still onery, which is a good sign, and he’s probably more than thrilled to have his newspapers and his CNBC (and–who are we fooling–probably the cigarettes too).  He’ll start a mild chemo treatment soon.  We’ve applied for insurance, and the tax paperwork is on its way to the accountant (my first as a self-employed writer, which means a bit of extra paperwork and beating up oneself for not being as organized throughout the year.  Next year will be better).

So today I think I’ll clean stuff up a little more and take care of a few random to-dos.  Next week I can start afresh and get back in the groove.

NOTE:  There are some more pictures attached.  One is gross.

Yesterday was another visit to the ear doctor.  But before that, the Boy managed to inadvertently pull out a wad of packing.  It was gross–kind of  a dirty yellow color and a little oozy.  His ear had some ooze in it, and to be honest, it kind of worries you because you wonder how long these sores will still spew blood and….well, blood and whatever else is coming out.  Then you realize it’s not quite the same thing as a skinned knee, is it?

The doctor wasn’t all that concerned though.  He said it was fine for a bit of the packing to come out, and during this visit, he pulled out the rest of it (lucky for you, no pictures, because it was wrapped up in too much gauze, but it was bloody).  Then he took a look inside and saw what he could see–he can’t see the eardrum yet because it’s shrouded in packing and a silicone stent that’s keeping the work intact for a few more weeks.  The ear canal, however, looks good.  The skin grafts seem to be holding up well, but it just takes a long time for the new skin to adhere and start growing on the grafted space.

The packing coming out looked almost like a magician pulling streamers out of his sleeve.  The doctor suctioned out some of the goo, then he reached in with a tool and pulled out three 4-6″ strings that had been stuffed in the ear canal.  He made sure it was clean, then put in more packing.

We got some word on what the Boy can and can’t do.  Taking out the garbage? Still considered heavy lifting.  But dishes?  He should have no problem doing those!  All kidding aside, we asked about exercise.  The doctor said it was OK to move around a little bit, and a stationary bike would be best.  Maybe some light running on a treadmill, but the pounding could aggravate the ear.  The Boy was considering working out on a rowing machine, but that’s actually worse than the treadmill because you use your chest a lot and that strain can work into your ears.  Driving is OK; flying is still out, way out.  It’ll actually take 2-3 months for everything to fully heal, and until it does, he has to keep it a little easy.

Now for the pics:

The old packing the Boy pulled out of his ear.

Ready for suction!

Speaking of coupons, have you seen a Macy’s coupon lately?  I get the newspaper, and Macy’s puts in at least one coupon at least once a week.  Every time I see them, I spend a lot of time actually reading them because I’m totally befuddled by why they’re even in the paper.  Here’s an actual example from last week, and maybe you can see what I’m talking about:

All-Day Savings Pass

Extra 15% off

A selection of sale & clearance purchases storewide including fine & bridge jewelry! (10% off a selection of sale & clearance home items, shoes, coats, suits, intimates, dresses; sportcoats for him)

Excludes: specials, Everyday Values (EDV); super buys; bridge & designer intimate apparel, shoes handbags & sportswear; cashmere, cosmetics/fragrances, fashion jewelry, watches, premium tops & bottoms for him (D 567/571), swim for her, electrics, electronics, furniture, furs, mattresses, karastan, Sterling flatware; Holiday Lane Dept., trim, cards & wrap.  Also excludes: All-Clad, American Rag, Baccarat, Barbara Barry, BCBGMAXAZRIA, Burton, Coach, DKNY, DKNYC, Dooney & Bourke, Ed Hardy, Emporio Armani, Ghurka, Henckels, Hugo Boss, Impulse, INC, Joseph Abboud, Juicy, kate spade, Kenneth Cole, Lacoste, Laliquie, Lladro, Levi’s/Docker’s, Louis Vuitton, Lucky, Martha Stewart Furniture, Material London, Michael Kors, Natori, Nautica, The North Face, Oval Room, Perry Ellis, Polo/Ralph Lauren, St. John, T. Tahari, Tasso Elba, Thomas Pink, Tommy Bahama, Tommy Hilfiger, Tumi, 28 Shop, UGG, Vera Wang, Waterford, William Yeoward, Wüsthof (designer exclusions don’t apply to outerwear depts.) Not valid on: previous purchases, special orders, services, gift registry kiosks, gift cards, macys.com, macysweddingchannel.com, payment on credit accounts, selected licensed depts., alcoholic beverages, bridal salons, eSpot, FAO Schwarz, J&R Express, maternity, Signoria Firenze, Stride Rite, Ticketmaster, Vision Express, wigs, restaurants, wine.  Cannot be combined with any savings pass/coupon, extra discounnt or credit offer, except opening a new Macy’s account.  Macy’s employees not eligible.  EXTRA SAVINGS % APPLIED TO REDUCED PRICES.

This is actually a pretty decent coupon because it mentions a couple of departments where you can use it.  More often that not, you’re stuck wondered what it’s actually good for, since the exclusions seem to cover most of the store.  If you can’t use the coupon, why bother spending the money advertising it?  Are you just trying to get us into the store?  If we try to use the coupon on an excluded item, are you hoping that we just say, “Awwww.  Shucky darn-I was hoping to save a couple of bucks, but since I’m here, I’ll just buy it anyway”?

I think it’d just be easier to say exactly what the coupon is for.  How about:

All-Day Savings Pass

Extra 15% off

Each department will have a rack or corner devoted to what you can actually purchase with this coupon.  Don’t expect to find much–especially in your size.  Don’t even think about using it on any designer brands, or even most of our own private label goods.  Do not attempt to use it in cosmetics, or all available sales clerks will spritz you with some ungodly smelling perfume or cologne.  The designer handbag department is surrounded by an electronic sensor that will set off an alarm if you bring a coupon within its boundaries.  Bringing said coupon into the department means you may be flogged with a Coach purse.  A similar electronic device is rigged to trigger a shoe catapult at you if you try to use this coupon in the shoe department.  Savings pass is also intended not to ruin our markup on jewelry, food, wine, beer, spirits, home and kitchen goods, furniture, and mattresses.  It is also not good toward children’s clothing, boy’s, young miss, teen, juniors, cool kids, misses, women’s, decent, fine, bridge, better, best, luxury, ultimate, or premium clothing.  Coupon may not be applied to any of our stores-within-the-store.  Do not return an item, just to repurchase it with this coupon.  If you attempt to use coupon on an invalid item, a Macy salesperson may be permitted to mock you.  Just forget it and pay the regular price, you cheapo!

See, isn’t that much easier?  Opt for total transparancy, and you might find an increase in customers just because of your fresh approach for total honesty.  It’d certainly make me consider where to put my shopping dollars.

Last Thursday the Boy and I went to the ear doctor so he could get the sutures out.  It was an odd visit–the doctor’s office called in the morning and asked if we could come in at a different time, and when we got there, he was in surgery and it was taking longer than anticipated.  We could wait, but that could be up to two hours, or we could try to come in the next day, but he was already overbooked.  We chose to wait, mainly because his follow-up treatment does need to happen on a decent schedule.

We thought the doctor would take out the sutures and remove the packing.  The Boy even took a pain pill to prep for the packing removal.  However, the doc said he was just taking out the stitches.  This week he’ll take out the packing and replace it.  That packing will stay in for a couple of weeks, just to make sure the ear canal doesn’t get compromised.  Needless to say, the Boy was a bit disappointed with that news (he really wants the packing out), but we understand that it takes time to heal.

However, we’re going a step in the right direction.  The Boy can wash his hair again (though still no water in the ear), and he was able to put the left arm back on his glasses (he’d taken it off so that it didn’t rub against the stitches.  It made for a lovely cockeyed look).

Here’s a couple of pics:

Stitches are out, but it's still a little bloody

The doctor snipped out part of the packing inside his ear (yep, it's gross).

If you haven’t been reading my Twitter feed or looked on the HollywoodChicago.com board,  I thoroughly enjoyed my quintuple feature on Saturday.  Two large popcorns, two diet Cokes, a big Panera salad, some peanut M&Ms, and five movies.  What a way to spend a day!  I saw the theater when it was spic and span in the morning, and what it looked like after a day packed with people.  And I saw some great films–I think “Milk” held up extremely well, “Slumdog Millionaire” was still entertaining, “The Reader” was really interesting and well-acted, “Frost/Nixon” was riveting (I was starting to fade then, but it jolted me right awake), and “The Curious Case of Benjamin Button” was…well….three hours/a not-so-charming “Forrest Gump” (I don’t recommend it, especially if you’ve read the story and want your adapted movie to be a little bit like the story).

After Saturday, the big Oscar show was a little more exciting.  I hadn’t gotten to see “Vicky Cristina Barcelona,” so that’s now at the top of my list.  I do like Penelope Cruz, so I’m curious to see her performance.  Mostly though, the show was fairly predictable–”…Benjamin Button” won a lot of the technical awards, and “Slumdog Millionaire” cleaned up on most everything else.  Kate Winslet finally won, and deservedly so–she’s a top-rate actress, and the emotions she portrayed in “The Reader” were great.  I was thrilled that “Milk” won Best Original Screenplay, and shocked that Sean Penn won for Best Actor for “Milk.”  I assumed Mickey Rourke would win, but Penn was a nice surprise.  As the Boy said later, Rourke is a has-been making a comeback playing a has-been making a comeback.  How hard is that?

As always though, the show dragged on in the middle and seemed like it was going to go WAY over time (it was just about 3.5 hours anyway), with all the dance numbers (what was up with those?) and actors introducing acting nominees (cool idea, but that took a while to execute).  I spent a good portion of it crafting my own, quite humorous acceptance speech.  Never mind the fact that I have nothing in the works that I’d ever get nominated for, but by golly, I could give a nice, entertaining acceptance speech.  Then I thought that maybe I should either start my own acceptance speech consulting firm for those lesser categories that come in the middle of the show that make it long–if said winner had a nifty speech instead of a very proper one, they’d be sure to turn a few heads and perhaps continue their Hollywood career.

After I crafted my speech and wrote the business plan for my new consulting company, the show was still on that Hugh Jackman/Beyonce tribute to movie musicals.  I know we joke about the Rob Lowe and Snow White production number, but this one wasn’t all that great (although I did get excited at the notion of lots of dancing boys).  What did you think?

And Hugh Jackman as Host?  Not too bad, though it just seemed like he was forced to sing almost everything simply because he could.  Was it just me, or was he not on stage a whole lot?

And did the producers/directors not realize that we at home weren’t sitting in the theater during the “In Memorian” section?  Half the time you could hardly see who they were memorializing because the cameras had pulled back to show a number of screens.  It was really distracting and for viewers a really poor way to show a little respect to those who’d passed on last year.

Still, it was a decent show with a satisfying outcome.  “Slumdog Millionaire” is a fine choice for Best Picture, even though I think “Milk” was  the better film.  This year reminded me of the 1976 Oscars, when “Rocky” beat out “All the President’s Men,” “Network,” and “Taxi Driver” (I know).  But if you think about the time, 1975-1976 wasn’t exactly a great time in our country’s history.  Life wasn’t great, but here came this movie about an underdog doing well, and it captured the hearts of the people.  Today isn’t much different–things around here are rough, and along comes this movie about a scrappy underdog winning both love and money.  It’s told in a very clever fashion, is well-edited and directed, and it’s infectious.  No wonder people have gotten behind it.  Will it hold up?  I hope so–and I hope I’m wrong in thinking that it might not.

Ah, it’s like clockwork.  I’ve come down with a case of Oscar Fever.  Just in time for the big celebration on Sunday!

I haven’t yet seen all the movies–not surprising, seeing as how it’s been Health Care Central in our household over the last couple of weeks–but I’ll be rectifiying that tomorrow, since I’ll be attending AMC’s Best Picture Film Fest on Saturday.  Do they have this in your town (if you have an AMC theater)?  One Saturday.  All five Best Picture nominees.  And unlimited popcorn!

I’ve seen this event in years prior and thought it might be nice to attend, but this year I won a contest with HollywoodChicago.com to go to the event and blog/tweet about it on their boards and on Twitter.  Color me feverish, because now I’ve got some Oscar Fever.

It’s been a few years since I’ve managed to see all the Best Picture nominees, which can be chalked up to a lack of interest in the nominee itself, thinking that the picture probably isn’t worth my ten bucks, and a little film called “Gangs of New York” that was supremely awful and totally ruined movie-going for me for years.  Seriously.  That movie was highly touted, so I saw it, and it was long, bloated, boring, and full of bad accents (that some actors couldn’t even maintain.  Yep, I’m talking about you, Cameron Diaz).  Scorsese went on my shit list (redeemed by “The Departed,” although I rented that)–I’d say he still owes me the $6 I paid for watching it–and I stopped going to movies in the theater for a while.  Then ticket prices went way up, I found some other hobbies, and movies became a special treat, kind of like pizza.  I’ll see them when I’m really excited about them, need to get in some air conditioning, or when it’s Oscar season and I’ve got a case of The Fever.

This year though, I’ll be glad to get out and see the top five in one long day (starts at 10:30 with “Milk” and ends at 11:47, when the credits for “Frost/Nixon” roll).  It’s more than just the Fever this year; it’s a special occasion I really need to have.

Recently, #2 kvetched to me about a recent Oprah show about saving money.  I believe it included these “5 Ways to Save Money at the Grocery,” but honestly, I don’t know.  It’s been a couple of weeks.

The point that specifically bothered #2 was double couponing.  Apparently this was mentioned in the show (though it seems to be downplayed a little bit in the article), and I agree with #2.  Who does double couponing anymore?  I don’t think I’ve seen double coupons since I was a kid (yes, I was the geek who clipped the coupons and organized them.  I love coupons).  Why is this still touting as a massive savings point?  Are there stores by you that do this?  I mean, seriously–if nobody doubles coupons, let’s drop this “bright idea.”

As with every “save money” tip sheet, this one has points that drive me up the wall.  Another weird tip?  Buy multiple copies of the Sunday paper so that you can get extra copies of the coupons.  Maybe you should buy one paper, see if they have any coupons you like, and then go back for seconds.  And remember–the coupons you use should be worth more than what you spent on said Sunday papers, or you know what?  No real savings.  [Though newspaper folk?  Maybe this is a way to increase  your circulation!]

A couple of the commenters on this article also ran into my problem with coupons today:  They’re mainly for stuff I don’t use.  I don’t need any baby or pet coupons.  I don’t buy boxed meals or a ton of frozen foods or even cleaning supplies.  Most of our shopping cart is fresh meat and produce (and tortilla chips–and those coupons are rare).  Even stuff I do use is sometimes cheaper with the store brand rather than buying the brand on the coupon.

Even though this article’s decent in that it does try to make you think about how to shop smarter and how discount cards and coupons work, it still doesn’t all make sense for everybody.  I’m not a famous coupon queen though, so maybe I should shut my yapper and go back to scanning the sales papers and pulling out my coupons before making a grocery list.

I love a good diner breakfast, particularly a good omelette.  But is it just me, or do all omelettes have a minimum of three eggs in them?  I can only eat two eggs max if I’m having a big breakfast, and if it’s not brunch, I’ll only eat one egg because otherwise it’d be too much food.  Is this one of those wacky French rules (because I can guess that the French would look all askance at me for not being able to chow down on three eggs, cheese, and meat or veggies.  They can–and they can still remain quite skinny (of course).

The last few omelettes I’ve had have been three-eggers, and I’ve had to leave a good chunk on my plate, and as a member of the Clean Plate Club, I have an awfully hard time doing that.  I like my eggs doused in cheese and bacon and spinach–how can I leave that good stuff on the plate, even though I’m full?

Sure, I know I could order a skillet (which I also do like), but sometimes skillets aren’t on the menu.  And if I’m making an effort to go out for breakfast, I want something a little fancier than two eggs.  Omelettes really fit the bill then, but I usually end up wishing they weren’t so much on my plate.

Every once in a while, I like to channel Ma Jaracz, who, before she retired, was one of those tough-but-fair elementary school librarians (and before that, a teacher).  She worked in inner city schools and had to deal with a few behavior problems, which meant a lot of no nonsense behavior on her part.  “STOP THAT!” and “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” and “PUT THAT DOWN!” and “WE DON’T DO THAT HERE!” were all phrases she kept in solid rotation, and I find that they come in handy in some of my own daily doings.  People stop when I channel Ma Jaracz.  They shape up.  They act better.

Obama finally got a stimulus package through Congress, and I suppose that’s good, but it didn’t get the bipartisan vote he wanted.  Why?  Republicans wanted more tax cuts (we’ve seen how well the tax cuts have worked so far), and some Democrats said this wasn’t fiscally conservative enough (like the last eight years have been a mastery of balanced budgets).

Look, I don’t know every detail about the economic stimulus plan, and I don’t really care, just as long as it DOES SOMETHING.  I’m so frickin’ tired of everybody spending more time calling each other names than they do actually trying to fix the country.  I don’t care if Nancy Pelosi is the devil incarnate.  I don’t care if the Republicans are doubletalkers.  I’ve had it with partisan politics.  Look, I just listened to two grueling years of election coverages with namecallers saying Republicans are morons and Democrats are evil incarnate.  Our country’s in a shitload of problems.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW!   I want everyone to shut up, get to work, and get something done, because if they don’t, I propose we do something dramatic:

Send me to Washington.  There I will take the floor of both the House and the Senate and give them a little what for from the American people.  Although I will not employ the ineffective techniques my junior high English teacher used (”If I write your name on the board, you’re in trouble.  If I put a check mark behind your name, you’re really in trouble.  If you get two checks behind your name…..well, you’re writing lines or something.”), I will not be afraid to put Sen. Hatch in the corner for a time out if he gets out of line.  I will not be afraid to get everybody in their seats, facing forward, mouths SHUT.  I will not be afraid to tell Nancy Pelosi to knock it off.  I will make people talk, listen, and vote matters through in a set amount of time.  Hearings with embattled CEOs?  Oh, you’re going to have it even worse because you’re businesspeople without a lot of business sense.  You will get your what for, but quickly, because we don’t have time for a thorough drubbing.  And I will definitely use the Ma Jaracz voice until everyone shapes up.

Look, all I want is for this country to move forward.  And to do that, we’ve got to use a lot of tough love.  Don’t use your constituents as an excuse to keep legislation stalled or to fill it with some pet projects.  Get shit done.  People all over the country know how to get shit done–they can have jobs, ferry kids around, do all of the chores in the house, and move the family forward.  Running the country can’t be much more difficult than that, right?  So I don’t understand why we’ve let it go for so long and then refuse to do anything about it.  Let’s.  Get.  Moving.  Congresspeople!  Because really, you don’t want Ma Jaracz, Jr. coming to you.

Part of the deal with the Boy’s recovery is that he can’t get his ear wet.  If he showers, he’s supposed to keep his ear covered with plastic wrap, which would be a pain in the neck.  The Boy learned he can manage to shower and not get his head wet, but after a few days, his hair got pretty nasty.  The solution?  Dry shampoo.

I hadn’t heard of dry shampoo before, but it’s apparently a quick fix inbetween shampoos that takes the oil out of your hair.  Where do you get this?  Well, it’s at Sephora (to which I thought, “Free samples!”), but apparently Walgreen’s also had some, and since I didn’t really feel like hauling downtown to Sephora, I went there.

After searching intently, I found what I needed tucked away on a bottom shelf:

I didn’t quite expect dry shampoo to look so classy, so late 1970’s-early 1980’s.  I expected to find Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific and Body on Tap right next to it.  Hopefully it didn’t have an expiration date, because it certainly looked original.

Needless to say, I grabbed the can (perfect for when you’re camping!), took it back to the Boy, and yelled in his good ear, “Psssssst!”

He looked at me, annoyed.  “What?!”

I held out the can.  He was shocked at the vintage label, and we immediately looked it up.  “Oh look!  I’m just like Jessica Simpson!”

Turns out, according to InStyle Makeover magazine, Jessica Simpson (or maybe her fake hair) is a big fan of the dry shampoo.

With that ringing endorsement, I shampooed the Boy’s hair.  Here’s the before and after:

Before--greasy and dirty

After--dry and fluffy!

I do have to say that it seems to work.  The product basically takes the oil out of his hair and makes it a little more manageable.  I’m guessing the Boy would like to have a full-on shampoo soon, but for now this is a nice little fix.

In other surgery news, the Boy is turning a lovely shade of yellow–it’s almost like he’s turning into a Sneetch.  But that’s a good sign–the bruising behind his ear is getting a lot lighter, and although his face is still puffy and the bruising is spreading out, it’s a good sign.  Hopefully in a couple of days the bruises will be close to gone.