the Diva Platform

Let’s just get this out of the way right now: Yes, every member of yesterday’s Oprah show got $100 cold cash. It’s ours to do with as we please–Oprah said that we didn’t have to give it away (”Give big or go home!”). We can spend it on ourselves, or maybe we can buy someone else lunch. We just weren’t allowed to spend it all in the Oprah store.

Now that you know that much, let me backtrack to the beginning of the Oprah Show Experience.

The day started ungodly early–up by 5:00AM, showered, got Charlotte’s car, and then headed down to Harpo Studio. The parking garage across the street that had been $13 on Thursday when I checked, was now $25 (interestingly, after the taping was over, the price was back at $13. Gouging is a rant for a different day though). Charlotte decided not to pay the $25, so we drove around until we found street parking. Then we met Astrochick and the Doctor in line (they drove separately).

That began the many lines we stood in before the actual show started. We stood outside in a covered walkway for a while, then were let inside to the next line. We checked our coats (manditory), and checked in at the front desk. The security guard next to the desk gave us tickets and audience surveys, which we could fill out once we got up to the holding area.

Then came purse check. TSA needs to either hire the guards at Harpo, or they need to put their security screeners through Harpo training. Not much was getting past these guys. Now, the Harpo audience staffer who called about the tickets told me no cell phones or digital cameras (or they’d hold them until the end of the taping.). She didn’t mention anything about notebooks and pens. We found out those were also verboten when we got there. What did they pull out of my bag and hold? A diary, a Moleskine, my church bulletin (just in case I’d write on it), and a pen. However, they might have just given up in the mess of receipts that is my purse because they didn’t pull out a tiny pocket-sized notebook and at least one other pen (I have a habit of throwing extra pens in my purse). Thank goodness they didn’t pull out my entire security blanket!

After all the checks, we were shuttled upstairs into the holding area, where the four of us stood, waiting patiently for the next move. We filled out the tickets with our name and address (you’re only allowed to attend the show once a season, so I assumed they got our info for that reason), and then answered the optional survey–this was just questions for Oprah and Billy Joel and about “The Big Give.” Some of our questions got answered during the show, but I’m not sure our surveys made any difference.

The show aired live in the markets that aired it at 9:00 Central time, so we were herded into the studio maybe 20-30 minutes beforehand. We sat in the top row of the stage right side, all the way in the corner. I highly doubt we made it on air, which was fine by me, even though I did buy mascara for the occasion just in case. Our seats didn’t allow us the best view of the actual show, but we were able to see some interesting behind-the-scenes stuff.

The studio was a lot smaller than it looks on TV. The front section where Oprah and guests sit on the couch is tiny and close to the audience. The stage does go back fairly far–Billy Joel’s band was set up there before the show started, and during commercials the stagehands broke down the band and set up the bigger couches for “The Big Give” recap.

One of the Harpo staffers got us into the mood of the show, and Oprah appeared a couple of minutes before the show, went on stage, and said hello. She started the show on stage and then went into the audience to watch Billy Joel’s performance of “Only the Good Die Young.”

I have a Billy Joel 4-CD box set, which I listened to a bit last week, and the last disc is some sort of audience Q&A mixed with songs, and he talks about performing with Elton John and being a little amazed that Elton used a teleprompter during the show. Billy had a book of music/lyrics, but at that point in time he didn’t think he’d be able to read a teleprompter that fast. Read more…

We hosted Easter dinner this year–Charlotte wanted to come to town, so we had Ma & Pa Jaracz, Astrochick and Eddie Glick, and Reikko-san over.  Eight people is pretty much the max we can do in our apartment–the table only expands so much, and at that point we also run out of chairs.

Easter is one of my favorite holidays–I get to go to church and hear my favorite organ piece while the Boy slaves over a hot stove.   It’s a win-win for everyone!  I don’t usually get too religious on this blog, but I will say that Easter is a fun service to go to for a number of reasons:  The sanctuary is usually packed, you get great music, everyone’s happy about Jesus rising from the dead, and there’s communion (and sadly, around communion time I actually thought, “Ooo!  Snack!”).  Add to that a good pastoral staff and a great sermon, and I didn’t even care about the fact that you can hardly see in our sanctuary because we’re starting renovations and a good portion of the lights have been ripped out (this, sadly, also allows our organist to play–the other week the electrical system overheated because some of the lights over the altar are connected to the wiring of the organ).

The Boy, aka The King of Pork, cooked an amazing ham and stuffed up a few pounds of kielbasa.  We had a bunch of vegetables, mashed potatoes, rolls, and a ton of appetizers, candy, and desserts galore.  Add the good company, and overall, it was a really good holiday meal.
Being a fully adult occasion, we also had plenty of booze.  About the time I sat down to the table, I decided I wanted to be the crazy drunk Aunt Ethyl of the dinner.  Bring on the bubbly!  How about some wine?  Where’s my cocktail?!  I schaid, wh-where’zzz my cocktailshuz?
I remember feeling the same way at Thanksgiving.  All the preparation gets me keyed up, and then there’s that moment when it’s time for dinner, and we can’t do anything more.  You just have to hope everything tastes good and that people enjoy themselves.  The anticipation has a sharp edge (sharper when your mom’s present), and nothing helps more than a little–or a lot of–booze.
Thankfully I didn’t get totally schnockered.  After all, I had to be coherent enough to watch “Oprah’s Big Give” so that we’re ready for the big show tomorrow.  And there’s that whole getting up early for the taping.  Hungover and Oprah are probably two words that don’t go really well together.

Still though, it was nice to have friends and family over for dinner.  Makes for good times–and great leftovers.

The impossible happened this week: I snagged tickets to “The Oprah Winfrey Show.” How did I do it? Well, they’ve got last-minute e-mail reservations on their website, and if you qualify for the topic they’re trying to seat, then you might get called. What I am qualified for? I’m one of the biggest Billy Joel fans (well, maybe that’s overstating it, but he was my first rock concert and I do really like his music. In fact, I’ve been listening to it ever since I got the tickets).

On Monday morning, Charlotte, the Doctor, Astrochick and I have to be at Harpo Studios between 7:00 AM and 7:30 AM. As this is massively early and I tend to run on Jill Jaracz time (i.e.–chronically late), this in and of itself will be a major feat, but well worth it. I don’t know what Billy Joel will be on for–he had a new single last year and wrote a song called “Christmas in Fallujeh” that somebody else recorded this past Christmas. He’s also touring, but other than that, I can’t figure out why he’s on Oprah. Maybe he’s part of “Oprah’s Big Give.”

The “Big Give” is the other part of the show. We have to watch the show on Sunday night (I have been watching them online on Mondays…I’m not sure what to think because I like the encouragement to give, but I don’t like the idea that you can only give big, nor do I like judging what giving is best) so that we’re familiar with what happened because the latest person kicked off will be on. Since they’re doing the latest “Big Give” kick-off, I’m guessing the show will air on Monday too.
Needless to say, we’re excited about going! I can’t imagine that we’ll be noticeable on TV, but I’ll be wearing a nice color just in case. I may even wear makeup!

UPDATED TO ADD:  The show IS on Monday!  

The snow here in Chicago is basically all gone, which means one thing: You now get to walk through all the trash that people dumped on the sidewalks throughout winter.

Seeing all of the garbage–papers, cigarette butts, bottles, more cigarette butts, and dog crap–infuriates me. Why do people have to drop their trash on the street? I understand if you don’t realize you dropped a scrap of paper, but dropping a pop bottle on the street isn’t a mistake. Even worse is when you walk into an elevator to find an empty can in the corner. What? You couldn’t be bothered to dispose of it at your destination? Why go to the bother of putting it in the corner? Just leave it in the middle of the elevator so we can all enjoy your trash! And let me know where you live so I can come over to your house and dump some trash at your place!
Piles of dog crap also line my little side street, which means that the rats this year will be happy and well-fed. Yep, dog feces makes for good rat food, and I love some disease-spreading rodents running around my neighborhood! At $250 an offense, I would totally send the meter maids down the side streets around prime dog-walking hours to bust those morons who won’t pick up after their dogs. Especially in winter, when picking up after your dog is actually easier because the crap freezes. And double the fees on those people who bag their dog’s shit and leave the bag on the sidewalk, as if there are random garbage men just walking down the street happily picking up animal waste. The city’s always complaining about budget problems–here’s an excellent way to earn some revenue, plus save money when you don’t have to fight the rodents. It’s a win-win situation!

It just really bothers me that we’re so disrespectful to our environment that we throw trash all over the place.  Aren’t we more civilized than that?

Last week I went to a taping of “In the Loop,” which is a daytime talk show sponsored by iVillage.  It’s got three hosts–comedian Kim Coles (who I watched on “Celebrity Mole Hawaii”), and two former castmates from the first season of “The Apprentice,” Ereka Vettrini and Bill Rancic–and does all the usual stuff that a daytime talk show does, but I don’t think it ever really clicked right.  Chemistry among the hosts wasn’t always great, although Kim and Ereka were on by themselves the other day, and it was fun to watch them.  When Bill gets on, it’s a different story–sometimes he looks like he thinks the whole show is cheesy and/or lame.  If a host doesn’t buy it, you can see it on the screen.

I also think it’s not the greatest show because everyone’s trying so hard.  They make a lot of newbie talk-show host mistakes (flailing arms, not looking at the right camera), which means they probably could use a little rehearsing.  The hosts try to joke and make small talk–sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t, and the awkwardness of when it doesn’t really comes through.

Anyway, I’d read that part of the point of the show was to have a good amount of product placement, so I did want to go to see what sort of giveaways there would be.  Plus, I like Vettrini.  And it’s something different to do.

I went on a Tuesday (later found out that Tuesday was DVD giveaway day).  The whole process was like a lot of television–hurry up and wait.  About 100 of us sat in the studio (a fairly complex set because they had a kitchen area and a sitting area), and most of the audience members had been there before–it almost seemed like that’s what some people did with their time because a lot of them knew each other.  Plus, one of the producers was surprised that there were first-timers in the audience.

We had to go through practicing how to clap (very fast) and how to stop clapping (gradually).  Then the producer pointed out that Chicago Bear Robbie Gould was in the audience.  Poor guy.  He was a couple of rows in front of me, and once he was on display, the autograph requests started pouring in.  People behind me–who were so large that it was probably a lucky thing that they got to their seats–started passing up pieces of paper.  He signed them and passed them back.  And then the ladies behind me got demanding–then suddenly needed four or five autographs in order to cover all the grandchildren, etc.  They also talked about who else would need an autograph and yelled down names and spellings.  Um, you can’t be bothered to go down and ask politely?  You have to yell, “Do one for Jordon!  J-O-R-D-O-N!” And, look, the show’s going live in a minute.  Can’t you wait?

The show I picked had Dee Dee Myers as the first guest.  She’s pushing her new book Why Women Should Rule the World.  She was a good guest–was really smart, had great stories, could talk about the current election.  It was a really interesting conversation.  Because she was a good guest, the hosts had an easier time and were also really good at their job.

Second segment was a check in with Kim Coles’ weight-loss progress with Dr. Ian Smith and a couple of women who did a stair climb for charity with Kim.  Everyone’s making progress and is motivated.

Then we moved to build-a-pond.  Bill had this segment, which was about how to build a pond in your backyard.  He came across as if he didn’t care about this at all, and it was probably good that they had some gardening chick there to co-lead the segment.  Then Bill announced that the audience was all getting software to help us design our own backyard pond, and I had to fake the enthusiasm (if you would like said pond software, let me know and I’ll send it to you).  It is hard to fake it, I’ll give Bill that, but he’s at least being paid decently to do it.  There’s got to be something you find interesting in the segment, so focus on that!

Finally there was a cooking segment with a rapper/chef who wants kids to eat more healthy food, so he made some turkey meatballs with spaghetti (there was some veg tucked into the meatballs to help on that front).  This segment had been taped earlier, which was a little bizarre to watch.  I have no idea when they taped it, but they did have to make sure Kim, who led the segment, wore the same outfit that she wore for this show because it was supposed to look like it was live.

That was about it for the show.  Yes, it was DVD Tuesday, so we all got copies of “No Country for Old Men,” which I blogged about yesterday.  We also got a Dr. Ian Smith Extreme Fat Smash book about his diet plan, the aforementioned pond software, and a string of cultured pearls from Overstock.com.  That was a shocker!  I opened up this little envelope, and there was a pearl necklace.  I don’t know what the quality is like, but it was definitely a nice surprise.

If the show wasn’t being cancelled after this week, I’d definitely go again–it was an easier ticket to get than the Oprah show (I’m still trying for those), and it was interesting to see how a TV show works.  Would I be a regular?  Probably not.  There are more things in life to explore.

Last week I went to a taping of the soon-to-be cancelled show “In the Loop,” this iVillage daytime talker with Kim Coles, Ereka Vettrini, and Bill Rancic.  I’ll talk about the taping later this week, but it’s important for today because one of the audience gifts they gave us was a copy of “No Country for Old Men,” this year’s Oscar-winner for Best Picture.

The Boy and I watched it this weekend while hiding out from the St. Patty’s Day partiers (full bars at 10AM on Saturday scared me–I didn’t even want to try to go to a bar that night).  We even decided it was a special enough occasion to order pizza.

I was kind of leery of seeing “No Country for Old Men” in the theater because I’d heard it was really violent.  And those who were committing all the violence didn’t have much of a conscience either because they seemed to have no regrets.  So I held off and thought I’d see it at some point.

All I can say is thank goodness I didn’t have to pay to rent this.   Four letters:  L-A-M-E.  The violence didn’t bother me all that much (it was actually kind of refreshing that Javier Bardem’s character killed a lot of people with forced air.  I thought that was kind of clever).  What bothered me was the fact that there was no character arc in anyone.  Not Bardem, not the Josh Brolin character, not the Tommy Lee Jones character.  I thought that’s what had to happen in a movie.  Otherwise, what is the point of the story?

I got bored at the end and tuned out most of Tommy Lee Jones’ last monologue, which of course suddenly ended, leaving me to ask what happened (I didn’t even feel like bothering to jump back two minutes to watch it again).  The Boy explained it, also pissed off that nothing really happened.

I was really shocked that this was deemed the best movie of 2007.  I’m guessing it won because it had the best campaign behind it, and that’s really frustrating.  Surely, there was a better movie last year?  I’ll have to see if any of the other three nominees I haven’t seen are up to snuff.  If not, then really the Oscars has become more of an advertising/PR contest than anything else, and that’s sad.

Needless to say, I’m not keeping this DVD.  It’s on Craigslist–contact me if you want to buy it (yes, buy–I’ve got to start getting money coming in somehow), or maybe even just vote my posting a “best of.”  The way I’m currently feeling, that would be more of an honor to me than winning an Academy Award.