the Diva Platform

I’ve been cooking a lot more over the last couple of years, which means I’ve been reading cookbooks more often.  And I’ve noticed a few times something that really irritates me in recipe writing, and I wondered if it bothered you too:  Following a recipe, only to find you need another ingredient that wasn’t on the initial list.

For example, I was making banana bread on Saturday, using my Better Homes & Gardens cookbook. The ingredients are: flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, egg, mashed bananas, sugar, cooking oil, and nuts.  Lemon peel is optional.  In the first step, you grease the pan.  Then, “In a medium mixing bowl combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, and 1/8 teaspoon salt.”  I’m the type of person who likes to pull out all the ingredients first, then make the recipe (that’s how I learned in Home Ec), so throwing in an extra ingredient throws me off a little bit.  Sure, I don’t have to traipse across an enormous kitchen to get the salt, but I do feel of sense of, Hey, what else did they leave out of the ingredient list that I’ll have to dig out? It makes me a little unsettled, and that’s not what I need when I’m cooking.  I’m already paranoid enough about making a disaster.  Put the lousy salt in the ingredient list.

Better Homes & Gardens has done this to me a couple of times, and I wonder if it’s just one of their quirks.  Have you ever found this with cookbooks or magazine recipes?

The Boy discovered a really good food substitute last week.  We were having friends over for dinner, and when that happens, I usually make my patented sausage dish (this is from an Italian cookbook one of the Boy’s old girlfriends gave him.  I like to think that book was about the best thing from her).  However, one of these friends had an aversion to pasta (thanks, school cafeterias!), so we needed to find a substitute, because my pasta sauce is pretty damn good.

Enter spaghetti squash.  And Facebook.

The Boy had heard somewhere that a pasta substitute existed, so he asked his Facebook friends, and they came through with spaghetti squash and how to cook it.  I managed to get the squash cooked (not correctly because I didn’t have the video going, and I’d forgotten to scoop out the guts first), and the Boy shredded it up.  Looked just like spaghetti, and though it doesn’t taste like pasta, it really did the trick and was a lovely way to enjoy a nice pasta sauce.

So next time, friends, when you need something different, think spaghetti squash.  Instead of pasta!

After spending five days going to two conventions, I’m a bit tuckered out.  Sometimes I wonder how sales reps go from show to show, managing their booth, but then they have the people coming to them, not the other way around.  Still, they’re seeing hundreds or thousands of people every day, which still has to be a little bit difficult.

So, some quick observations from the All Candy Expo—I’m still in a bit of a sugar shock, so wittiness is not my forte right now:

• Total weight gained over the two shows:  2.6 lbs.  Not as much as I’d feared, which was good, considering that after day 2, I’d gained 3.2 lbs.  I ended up doing a little more walking and a little less noshing.  Doesn’t hurt that when I eat too much candy, I don’t feel so good.
• I don’t quite understand why candy-flavored sprays would be a hit with the kids, but apparently they are.
• When booths are manned by people who don’t really know the product, it’s frustrating.  I’d run into, “I don’t know, I just work here.  You’ll have to ask him (or her….or no one, for that matter),” with a big pointing gesture.  Most of the time, what I wanted to ask was trivial, so I didn’t bother to wait….I also probably won’t consider writing up these products.
• I wish the American palate wasn’t so sugar-based.  I asked the good folks at Mars why Starburst here has gelatin and doesn’t have the lovely black currant flavor you can find in Ireland.  The Starburst lady told me they did different formulas based on focus groups and local tastes.  My (and the Boy’s) taste just happens to be Irish.  Apparently the Russians like weird things.  Makes me want to find Russian Starburst now.  But seriously, there seem to be a lot of products with extra sugar in them, and I wish we’d get off that kick.  Train our palates back to something normal (and not so diabetes-inducing….seriously, if you eat a lot of stuff with a lot of hidden sugar, you’re going to be in trouble someday).
• The shows were a coming out party for a lot of new companies with new products.  I kept talking to people who hadn’t been around that long and were so hopeful about their company and the products they had.  I loved listening to their stories–some of these products are really good, and the people behind them have a ton of experience, so I hope they’re successful.

It’s been a fun, but massively tiring week.  I don’t know what’s going on in the news, I’m behind on most of the basic housework/errands.  My desk is a mess.  I’m also figuring out a little more what type of writer I am or am not and what type of writer I want to be.  Sadly, while fulfilling a couple of dreams to go to these shows, I think I took a few steps away from where I’d like to be.  Time to focus in again and get back on track.

Well, the NRA Show is over, but there’s a distinct possibility that I’ll be going to the All Candy Expo, which is another possible weight gain fiasco.  Some friends have been trying to talk me into it–”How can you not go?  Just Born will be there!” [Same friends also gave me the advice, "Jump up and down.  It'll compact what's in your stomach, and you can eat more."  Needless to say, although my eyes want me to eat more, I do not want to make a return trip to Fat Camp, so I'm refraining from jumping.  I also think the jumping might make me puke, and I don't want to test it.]

At any rate here are a few observations from the last day of the restaurant show.  More stories can be found on Gapers Block:

• Weight gain:  -.2 lbs; grand total for the show:  3.0 lbs.
• I’m amazed at how I can supposedly walk an entire exhibit floor, and with about 15 minutes left in the show, still find new booths with stories I think are interesting.
• Not one, but two companies were there selling fortune cookie tacos.
• I was only at the show for 3 hours on the last day, yet I still managed to stuff myself silly.
• I tried the kimchi quesadilla from Kogi.  While I don’t mind a couple of bites of kimchi, an entire quesadilla’s worth was a little too much.
• What does one make with pickled serrano peppers?  I now have a 27.75 oz. can of them.
• I’d love to sit in on a new product development meeting at Lamb Weston.  I seriously didn’t know a potato could be fried so many ways, nor did I know what you could stuff inside a mozzarella cheese stick breaded capsule (many many products out there that look like a cheese stick but have something other than mozzarella in them).  How do they do it?
• Pretzel bread is the best!
• Apple pie + alcohol?  Yes, please!

The digestion continues….

We’re on tape delay here at the Diva Platform….by the time you read this, the show will be over.  I imagine I will still be in a food-induced coma though, so when I come out, I will undoubtedly have a few more stories.  For now, some more tidbits:

• Weight gain on day 2:  2 lbs
• Did you feel the weight gain? Oh, yeah.
• Do you mind? Well, yes, but when someone shoves a piece of molten chocolate cake in front of you, you can’t really say no.
• Wearing a t-shirt that says, “No thanks, I’m having butter,” is a good conversation starter around foodies.
• The Korean pavilion was hopping with performances  from Nanta Theater, kind of a Blue Man Group performance minus the blue paint, plus kitchen knives and chef outfits.  Or, like someone said, it was like Chicago’s Bucket Boys.
• That said, someone (or ones) must have complained about the noise and huge crowds this drew because the second performance was really toned down (no Korean drums, just chefs with knives on cutting boards).
• Mini donuts are delicious.
• So are flavored butters.
• Testing the limits of your ability to eat spicy foods can be difficult, and starting to cry in front of the Census people due to some hot sauce can be embarrassing.
• Sparkling wine shouldn’t have almond extract in it (though it can make a bad sparkling wine palatable).
• My buddy Ludacris and I both like Nuvo.
• If a gin company tells you that their gin has a golden hue because they’re the only ones who use juniper berries, and all the clear gins use extract, your bullshit meter should go off.

As I write this, I’ve got one more day of joy (or torture, as walking around a convention hall can actually be sometimes, especially if you don’t know what to ask people about).  And maybe a couple of pounds to gain.

Since I’m going through a big food coma for a few days (which apparently involves a stab at coherent writing), I’ll give you a few tidbits that probably won’t make it to Gapers Block:

• Day 1 weight gain:  1.2 lbs.
• The education/sales pitch I got about bathroom hand driers:  Impressive
• The ex-corporate librarian fawning over Nation’s Restaurant News?  Managed not to (but I did fawn over the folks from Technomic, another market research firm that I used to use occasionally).
• The pictures my little digital camera can take in a dim room?  Crappy
• What am I eating?  A lot of fried food, chicken wings, hot dogs, bacon, and sweets
• Does any of it scare you?  Yes, but I don’t know what…actually, probably the funnel cake fries scare me most because the fry aspect takes a funnel cake from a have-it-once-in-a-while-at-a-festival treat to possibly everyday existence (from the cart/cafe stationed in between or right inside of a K-mart.  They’ll add this to their selection of churros for a little product diversification).  If you’re eating funnel cakes everyday, you’re probably on the fast track to riding in a scooter.
• How are the mascots?  Adorable!  It’s amazing what costumes people come up with–I’ve hugged a thermometer.  And Juan Valdez.
• Wait, you met Juan Valdez?  Supposedly.  He was just one of the celebrity appearances (along with some basketball player) of the day.  The food show brings out the foodie in everyone!  Speaking of celebrities, Ted Turner’s going to be there soon, so I’d better get down and catch a glimpse of him (what is Ted Turner doing there?  He owns a restaurant chain, of course).

Probably about 10-12 years ago, the Chicagoland McDonald’s had a radio campaign that said, “Chicago’s the City of Big Shoulders, and we didn’t get those shoulders from pushing back from the table.”  I loved that line because you can look around some days and say, Whoa!  We are getting to be a hefty bunch, aren’t we?

Every once in a while I still pull that line out and use it, and I think I’ll be using it this weekend.  Why?  I’m headed to the National Restaurant Association Show to cover it for Gapers Block!  I’m so frickin’ excited–the food shows in Chicago (All Candy Expo, Food Marketing Institute, and the National Restaurant Association) are almost mythical in what you can get foodwise.  And whatever you’ve heard, I’m guessing it’s all true.  When I went to FMI a couple of years ago, I gorged, and I brought home a bunch of snacks.  A bunch (a good shopping bag or two full).  A consultant went to the candy show one year when that was the big industry I had to research.  He showed up in the library one day with a garbage bag half-full of candy.  I expect no less from the restaurant show.

While I don’t think there will be much in terms of “takeaway food,” I do think there’s going to be plenty of eating.  I’d guess a good 5 lbs. worth, over the 3 days I’ll be able to attend.  I have it on good authority that there’s crazy amounts of bar food (deep fat fry-o-rama!), all sorts of kitchen equipment, and there’s even a beer/wine/spirits fest that I’ll be partaking in….to see the trends, of course.

I and a couple of other Gapers Blockers will be reporting back–one does the vegan beat, so if you don’t eat any animal products, he’ll be scouting out what restaurants will be offering you in the near future.  I also may mention a think or two on this blog.  If you have any questions/want something looked into, let me know!

Oh, I almost forgot to mention this, because it is one for the books (though I’m sure I’ll get a, “Why did you blog about that?  It’s not a big deal,” later on tonight):  The Boy ingested some beef last week!

Followers of this blog may know that the Boy stopped eating beef at the beginning of 2001 because he doesn’t want to get mad cow disease, or any other thing American cows might be carrying.  He’d eat U.S. beef if every cow was tested, as they are in some other countries, but for now, he’s not touching the stuff.

For the most part, this is not a big deal.  I will still eat beef on occasion, so if I need a cheeseburger, we’ll go out and get one.  However, I haven’t purchased beef at the grocery in 8 years, so I’m a little out of touch when it comes to beef prices and cuts and how it looks in the package.  Prices?  Whatever the price of a cheeseburger is these days, is my guess.  If we want red meat, we’ll get bison, which is less fatty anyway, and is absolutely delicious (and was just on sale at Whole Foods!  I do know my bison prices).

When Astrochick and Eddie Glick were in town, we ate out with them a lot and since they may have had places they wanted to visit, we let them take the lead.  The first night they chose Jerry’s Sandwiches, a place with a long sandwich list, and an almost equally long beer list.  I’d never been there before, but I was happy to go because I’d heard good things about the place (and yes, it’s good!).

At the restaurant, we’re examining the menu, and the waitress stops by to see if we have any questions.  The Boy does:  Is the Wagyu Kobe Beef really from Japan?

Why yes, yes it was.

And Japan tests every cow.

[And their beef is mighty tasty.]

Order up!

Needless to say, the Boy chowed down on his big old beef burger and enjoyed every last bite.  And we enjoyed watching him eat.  Astrochick and Eddie Glick had never seen him eat beef before, and I’ve only seen him do it a few times, so we watched him like he was a circus sideshow freak, thinking that if he ate the beef, his eyeballs would pop out or something.

They didn’t, so we had to settle for enjoying our own meals, which wasn’t all that difficult to do.

Me, I wonder when we’ll be going to Jerry’s again.

This past weekend I spent a lot of time in a car and a lot of time in the ‘burbs, two tasks I am not prone to do.  However, I did get a few stories out of the deal, so let’s get started on them.

Saturday was the focal point of the weekend: Dark Lord Day at Three Floyds Brewery.  This is the one day of the year you can get Three Floyds’ Dark Lord Russian Imperial Stout.  I’m not much of a stout drinker, but I recently had a taste of last year’s, and it’s something else.  If you like your beer to be the consistency of used motor oil, this is the beer for you!

At any rate, Three Floyds now has a big festival around the whole beer release, and it’s a pretty big deal in the microbrew world–people drive and fly in from all over to attend.  Astrochick and Eddie Glick came down especially for this occasion and made a full weekend out of it, and it was pretty awesome to be able to hang out with them again.  This was the first Dark Lord Day for all of us–they’d planned to go last year, but that trip got cancelled (just as well, because the line for beer was long, and some people just didn’t get any after waiting in line for hours).

This year Three Floyds insistuted a “Golden Ticket” policy.  One person could buy up to two Golden Tickets, which guaranteed that you’d be able to purchase a set number of bottles (and get a taste on the side).  Yeah, I know it sounds weird to buy an opportunity to buy a product, but I thought it would be fun, and we’d be able to get our hands on this beer (which some people are trying to sell on ebay for $50-60/bottle).  Besides, proceeds from the Golden Tickets went to the Anti-Cruelty Society, so that was at least something.

Having a Golden Ticket also meant we had a long window for buying beer, so we didn’t have to get there really early.  And even though we got there after noon, that was probably still too early because of the massive lines for everything.

We parked at Ma & Pa Jaracz’ and Ma drove us over (smart, since there wasn’t much parking).  The place was mobbed–people had brought RVs and coolers and chairs.  We hadn’t known what to expect, but we didn’t expect this.  You had to get in line to buy food, to get into the brewpub, and to buy Dark Lord.  When we got there, we couldn’t even tell how long the Dark Lord line was, so we bought beers to drink while we found the end and waited.

And then we walked.  And walked.  The line ended two buildings down from the brewery and started spiraling in a parking lot.  We thought we’d be there for hours.  At this point I figured out why it was called a Russian imperial stout: We had to wait in line like commies in order to buy it.  In fact, #2 and her family were supposed to join us, but we called and said not to come because the kids would get too impatient waiting in line, and there wasn’t much room to really run around.  They did, however, save us by bringing a bucket of KFC with all the fixins, which we desperately needed by the time we got to the front of the line (other people had pizzas delivered.  It was insane!).

Surprisingly though, the line went fairly quickly.  I was sure we were going to be in it for a good three hours, but it only took half that long (”only”).  Helped by the soothing power of beer, we enjoyed the process.  Beerfest-goers are pretty fun to hang around.  They appreciate good beer, so you have something to talk about.  People also bring beer to share and trade, and they’re more than happy to pour a taste of something phenomenal in your glass (thanks to the guy who shared the Alaskan Smoked Porter).  Plus, the Boy likes to talk to people, so he went off and made friends (a shout out to our new friends at Lush Wine & Spirits!), and we all just had a good time.  Yes, it rained on us (and our chicken dinner).  No, we didn’t really hear any of the bands we’d hoped to see.  No, we didn’t get any BBQ.  No, we didn’t buy any t-shirts or any other paraphernalia.  Yes, we did spill beer on everything (I spent part of yesterday mopping beer off my wallet–including credit cards–and purse)–including this classic by the Boy, which I don’t quite know how he managed:  In one hand he held two cups, one with a pretty full Robert the Bruce, the other with a taste of Dark Lord.  He went to drink the Dark Lord and tipped both glasses, spilling a lot of Robert the Bruce down his front.  It was pretty amazing.

Once we were done hanging out and eating, we called Ma Jaracz to come pick us up, and then we brought some beer to #2 and hung out with them for as long as they could stand these people who reeked of beer (Hey, kids!  Don’t be afraid of Auntie Jill and Uncle Boy–they’re just wearing some hop perfume….Yeah).  Then it was time to turn Eddie’s Gremlin back toward the city and put the Dark Lord on ice.

How does it taste?  Well, I’ll be honest–I’m not a big stout person, but even I can tell this stuff is pretty damn good.  First off, it’s definitely a sipping beer because at something like 13-15% ABV (alcohol by volume) it has the power to put you under the table quickly.  But you don’t want to drink it fast because it also has a lot of complexity–chocolate and coffee notes–and a long finish.  Savor it, share it, but definitely sip it.  And then hold on until you can get a taste of it again next year.

One home project I’m working on involves going through cookbooks to see if I use them enough to warrant keeping them (or if there’s just a couple of recipes I use, then I’ll copy them onto notecards for my recipe box and put the cookbook in the “donate bag”).  I’ve just gone through an old Marshall Field’s (now Macy’s) employee cookbook.  Over 500 pages, and I wanted 10 or 11 recipes out of it.  I need the shelf space more than I need this cookbook.

One of the recipes I wanted to keep was for puppy chow (coat cereal with chocolate and peanut butter, shake in powdered sugar), which is a tasty snack for a party.  This particular recipe added, “Just for fun, serve puppy chow in a new dog dish!”  Um, no thank you.

In my mind, there are certain places food should never go.  A dog dish–even if it’s new and clean–is one of them.  The bathroom is another.  I know some toilet seats are cleaner than desks, but I will never stop being grossed out by the image of going into the office bathroom and seeing someone’s salad sitting on the sink.  Hey!  There are reminders to wash your hands on the mirrors!  Granted, they’re put up so you don’t spread the bird flu, but there are enough germs floating around here that we need to clean our hands before we leave!  You think that salad is going to be safe?  Yes, I know it’s in a plastic container, but it is in super-close proximity to where people shit!  And you eat that?

Am I the only one who thinks like this?  Is there anywhere else we really shouldn’t bring food?