• Last Sunday was the Windy City Rollers annual Black & Blue Ball, which celebrates the end of the year’s home and travel team seasons.  I didn’t know what the heck to expect–after all, the dress code was “formal, whatever that means to you.”  So few rules left me hanging, but people came wearing t-shirts, people wore a lot of sequins, Scorey Feldman put on blue face, and one skater even wore her wedding dress (I WILL wear it again!  I’ll show you!).  Thanks to H&M, I got a blue shirt with black sequins, so I felt a little sparkly and appropriate.

    At any rate, it was a little food, a little booze, a few awards, and a talent show.  An awesome talent show.  Talents that ranged from a skater standing on her head to show underwear with “shark” written on the butt, another skater who ripped apples apart with her bare hands, some guitar playing, some burlesque, and the officials, who did a little dance to show off all the referee penalty signals.  It was awesome (of course).  I’m down in front with a couple other stats folks, doing my sexy stopwatch twirling.

    Check out the video, but prepare to have your mind “officially blown” (or, if you don’t know derby penalty codes, play along at home).

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  • This evening I rolled into my apartment around 11:00 (bells, then derby, then derby meeting), glanced around and saw the hovel it’s become.  Newspaper stacked all over (I may have read the paper last week), papers piled around because it’s gotten so cold in the bedroom that I really can’t work in there until we put up the plastic (and even then…)–see, one would think our building with the radiator heat would be nice and toasty warm, but we live in a 7-floor building, and apparently, the boiler’s designed for a 4-story building.  Sure, some heat rises from other floors, and the radiators do spit out some heat, but it’s really not enough.  It’s definitely not the toasty warmth you find on the first few floors.  Those people are probably tooling around their apartments in shorts.  I’m supposed to be tooling around in shorts!  Instead I’m bundled up and have a cold nose.

    So the place is a mess, I’m cold, and I’ve had a good deal of difficult work (including an article involving chemistry.  I am woefully weak on chemistry, even if it is in regards to cosmetic products).  I’m taking everything one chunk at a time, and I hope I can just get through until we go to Florida for the holidays.  And although I hate to say it, this blog may be a little weak over the next couple of days.

    Which is sad really, because blogging?  I love blogging!

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  • Dear FedEx,

    I understand that maybe you don’t hire the cream of the crop when it comes to drivers, or at this time of the year you’re hiring seasonal help and don’t have a wide pool to choose from, but is it too much to ask that your drivers understand a decent amount of English?

    Let me explain.  Last week, I went to get a haircut, and the Boy stayed at home.  When I got back, I found a door tag from FedEx saying they’d tried to deliver a package, but nobody was at home.  They’d come back tomorrow, and I’d have to sign for the package live for security reasons. That was a bit odd, but maybe the Boy didn’t hear the phone ring from the lobby.  OK, whatever.  I’d be home all day the next day, so I’ll be there when the deliveryman comes again, right?

    Wrong.  Yes, I was home all day, but the Boy found another door tag for me.  What gives?  When I tracked the package online, the notation was that I wasn’t home.  But I WAS home.  What happened?  Did our driver just not want to ring the bell?

    Well, after two days and two door tags, the Boy and I figured out separately that our door buzzer system is broken.  Well, not broken, but the buzzer is tied to our phone line.  Recently, the phone company put another area code in Chicago and stipulated that no matter where you live in the city, you now have to dial a 1+area code before the number.  The buzzer hasn’t been updated to reflect this change, so if anyone tries to come over, they just get an error message from the phone company and can’t come up to our apartment.

    Or in the case of your company, I get another note saying that I’m not home, and that the driver will make one final attempt at delivering my package, and if I’m not there, I have to go to Skokie to pick it up.  [You might not think this is a big deal, but for someone without a car, I do not really feel the need to make a probably 2+ hour trip to fetch my package, nor do I feel the need to pay for car sharing in order to get it a little quicker.]

    So this past Friday, if you stopped by my building, you would have seen me hanging out in the lobby, waiting for the FedEx driver.  Oh, it wasn’t that long of a wait (even though it was warmer in the lobby than in my apartment, my computer battery did run out of juice, the lobby electric plugs didn’t work, and I was on deadline for an article), but it was still a bit of a pain.

    When the driver showed up, he tried the buzzer again, and while the phone company recorded message saying the number was incorrect blared, I let the driver into the lobby and started explaining what the situation was.  I didn’t get too far because it was obvious that the driver could barely speak English (and my Spanish is non-existent) and it wouldn’t have made a difference.  If I hadn’t been there, I would’ve been stuck…and the same goes for the other person in the building who also had to sign for a package.

    I was frustrated for two days because the online tracking note said I wasn’t home.  If the driver had been able to think out of the box (or whatever “box” in Spanish is), if he’d have jotted down, “Buzzer not working,” on the tag, I would’ve been in the lobby on Wednesday, which would’ve saved him from making an extra stop at my house. It’s not like this is an isolated incident either.  This sort of stuff is happening all over the city. I’m guessing your delivery attempt numbers are spiking because of it–and you don’t want the numbers to look bad, do you?

    This whole experience was a little lesson in inefficiency, and I thought you might want to know that.  Even though the driver was nice and polite, his inefficient way of working really made for a poor customer experience.  I understand that people need jobs, but they also need to do their jobs well–or, if you’re concerned with being the best in your industry, providing service that’s beyond good.  Is FedEx satisfied with simply providing a basic service?  A service that can be beat?  I hadn’t thought you were that sort of company, but perhaps that’s just what you’ve become.

    Your pal,

    Jill

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  • Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving week!  The parade was a ton of fun–even given the crummy weather we had.  It was cold and rainy, but that didn’t stop our parade!

    Although we had to wait around for a couple of hours while our balloon inflated and we got in line, the parade itself flew by.  I was on Maisy’s left arm (which apparently got me on TV), and couldn’t help but smile the entire time.  Sure, it was a little tricky to do the stop light and L track limbo with our balloon, but we managed to get her around all the obstacles and mosey up State Street.

    Overall, I had a great time–Macy’s parade, you’re next!

    Maisy Mouse--inflated and ready to walk!

    Im ready to go (bundled up to the max)!

    I'm ready to go (bundled up to the max)!

    Some of the other balloons: Bullwinkle, Hello Kitty, and Strawberry Shortcake

    Some of the other balloons: Bullwinkle, Hello Kitty, and Strawberry Shortcake

    Underdog!

    Underdog!

    Curious George!

    Curious George!

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  • I’ve decided to take this week off of the blog for a number of reasons:

    1. I need a little R&R.
    2. I’ve got a good amount of work to crank out.
    3. Do you really want to read a traditional, “What are you thankful for” post?
    4. My website software desperately needs to be updated, and I’d like to block out the writing time to do that.
    5. I’m getting up at the buttcrack of dawn on Thanksgiving day to carry a balloon in the McDonald’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.

    Yes, that’s right, this year my connections got me a balloon handling gig, which I couldn’t be more excited about, even though I never get up and watch the parade on my own accord.  I’m assigned to the Maisy Mouse balloon, so tune into WGN (or WGN America) for the Chicago parade and maybe you’ll catch me!

    I’ll be back next Monday with a fresh batch of fun.  Have a great week, everyone!

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  • Are you one of those people who has a list of certain things they want to accomplish in their lives?  Yesterday, I was reminded of another dream:  Be a serious bidder at a real (i.e.–Sotheby’s or Christie’s) auction.  Why did I think of it?  Oh, it was my annual auction crack:  The City of Chicago Banner Auction.

    I know I’ve talked about the auction before–each year the city sells some banners that hang on the street poles, and the money goes to the Mayor’s “Sharing It” fund, which provides food and gifts for poor people and children during the holidays.

    I’ve attended the auction a good number of times, and I have to say I have a hard time NOT bidding.  I like the idea of owning a piece of Chicago lore….whether or not I can display it.  We have a ton of banners in our closet (amazingly, we have tall ceilings in our apartment, so technically we could hang these suckers; there’s just not enough wallspace to do so).  I have a set from the Film Festival, a Harry Carey tribute banner, a 1994 World Cup sign (that served as my desk for a long time), and more.  I’ve bought banners for others, like I’m a dealer in these things.  It’s addictive behavior.

    Yesterday was no different.  What was up for auction?  Banners for the failed Chicago 2016 Olympics bid.  One of the aspects of the bid I did like was the graphics, so I wanted bring home a banner.  I missed the first one up for sale by a minute or so, but then next….the boxing double banner…I snapped that bad boy up, like I’m earning money with all my freelance writing or something.  I managed to stave off buying any other Olympic banners, though I was tempted.  Still….it’s another banner in my house.

    It’s hard to resist the auction though.  The feeling that you’ve won something.  Hell, “Congratulations President Obama” banners were also up:  One went for $1200.  Another went for almost a thousand.  My Olympic banners didn’t cost that much, for good reason, but it was so tempting to hop into the Obama fight.  Hence the reason I’d someday like to have enough money that a $1200 bid doesn’t frighten me at all.  $75 million for that painting?  Sure, I can do that!  Boy, that would be something to say!

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  • Don’t you hate it when you work hard to change something about your life, but you don’t like what you’ve become?  The new, financially-conscious Jill does not hang out at neighborhood establishments much these days (If I tracked it, the numbers might say a different story, but New Cheap Jill doesn’t drink out as much as she’d like to, that’s for sure).  It’s a shame because bars are chock full of great material that I can use in my writing.  Stuff you can’t make up.

    For example, I was at a lovely cocktail establishment last night, chatting with an acquaintance about the possibility of her going to library school (as much as I’d like to go off-topic, today I’ll spare you my graduate school rant).  One of the bartenders wore a white v-neck undershirt as shirt (again, I won’t go off-topic) and had unruly, curly hair.

    At one point, another female patron looked at this bartender and asked, “Do you have any experience with the Flowbee?” [My linking capabilities are down right now, but the Flowbee (http://www.flowbee.com) is a haircutting system that sucks your hair upright and trims it.  It's fascinating--and scary.]

    Whoa.  I heard that, and my conversation stopped.  I had to stare.  And then get into the Flowbee conversation. Wouldn’t you?

    Turns out the inquirer’s mom has a simple haircut–she likes it an even 4″ all the way around.  The inquirer had seen a person with a decent Flowbee haircut and thought this might make a good Christmas present for mom.

    Needless to say, the bartender wasn’t a Flowbee aficionado and couldn’t give any advice, but it certainly was one of the more interesting conversations I’ve been privy to in weeks!

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  • Think I’m going to launch into a nice little Golden Book type of story?  Nah, I just saw this column in the Chicago Tribune about kids who wear baggy pants–so baggy that you see a good deal of the person’s underwear–and decided it was time for us to have a little chat.

    Dear White Kids on the Bus, White Suburban Kids Walking Around the Loop Thinking They’re Hot Stuff, and the Two Black Kids Who Were in Front of Me at Walgreens the Other Night,

    Pull up your pants!

    Oh, wait.  I see you’re wearing them as a hip-hop statement.  Let me rephrase that in words you might understand.

    Pull up your pants, YO!

    None of you have asses that are so fine, they need to be exposed to the world. You look stupid, and a bunch of you are acting as stupid as you look.  I’m talking to you, Walgreens Boys.  You look young, so if you’re carded for buying a cheap cigar, don’t get all up in the poor cashier’s grill.  Get your ID out and prove your age.  Quickly.  I’ve got better things to do than stand in a one-person line for ten minutes.  And while you’re at it, pull out your money.  You know you’re going to have to pay for the thing too.  Don’t be so focused on your snide comments because you’ve been carded.  And pull up your pants!  I mean, it’s nice that you’re wearing like double- or triple-thick red spandex underneath, instead of flimsy boxers.  I get it, it’s cold out.  But that bright red spandex doesn’t make your ass look any better.  In fact, it looks like a big red target.  For my foot.

    And you, white punks. You take up most of the sidewalk with your “posse,” waddling away because you can’t walk straight.  Those jeans are balancing on your ass shelf  just perfectly, and you might make it to the Cheesecake Factory before they slip-slide down.  Eat an extra piece of cheesecake while you’re there.  Maybe your butt will get big enough to fit in those jeans and look normal.

    Kids on the bus, don’t think you’re exempt.  Right now I’m pondering all the skankiness on the bus seats that your sad pair of underpants is forced to protect your ass from.  I’m not saying, but your butt just might be Virus Central, picking up stuff that goes right to your brain.

    Oh, what am I thinking?  You crazy kids don’t give a shit what I say.  I just hope your school yearbooks include many, many pictures of you with your stupid attire.  That way, you’ll feel like morons in a decade or so.  It’s OK, I went through big hair and guys with permed mullets.  Stupid has many ways of manifesting itself.  Just take a cue and end this cycle of stupidity now.

    Your pal,

    Jill

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  • What happened to October?  We’re in the second half of the month, and for the most part, it’s been cold (COLD) and rainy like November.  So frustrating!

    You might say we didn’t have much of a summer this year, but I don’t mind that so much.  Our apartment roasts in the heat, and this year it didn’t seem so bad–we didn’t have to run the air conditioning as much.

    Of course, then we didn’t get much of a fall either.  Every once in a while we’ve had a glimpse of a beautiful fall day, with the crisp blue sky and colorful leaves.  Mostly though, it’s been a reminder of what November will bring, and that’s cold.  Even with the heat on, our apartment–more specifically, the area where my desk is, is already cold, and that means we’ll probably have to put the plastic over the windows soon.

    I hate the plastic on the windows.  I hate it because it means it’s winter.  I hate it because it’s another reminder that our lovely vintage apartment is crummy and cheap.  Oh, the crumbling paint that’s falling all over my desk is another sign of the crap conditions, but the plastic is the semi-permanent sign.  The plastic doesn’t come off until spring.  If I want to look out the window while I work, well, I’ll just have to get up to do that.

    I’d grumble more about not being able to afford a place with decent windows, but there are probably many people in houses who have things that need fixing and are just making due.  Somehow, on the dawn of winter, it feels like those things aren’t going to get better any time soon, so I suppose I’ll hunker down and try to make it work.

    In an effort to battle the draft, I’ve brought some candles to my desk, a feeble attempt to add some heat to my corner.  Whether or not it’ll work remains to be seen, but I’d like to believe the light will give me some hope this winter.

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  • About six weeks ago, my number came up:  I got selected for alternate jury duty!  Serving jury duty’s been a dream of mine for years–ever since I could vote, I’ve wanted to be on a jury.  Yet, even though I’ve lived in Chicago for 14 years, I’ve never been called.

    On the fateful day the summons arrived, the Boy and I went to the mailbox together.  He handed me the envelope, and I did a little cheer, raising my arms into the air.  Yes!  I’d been called!

    Then I actually saw it was for alternate jury duty, and that I didn’t know until the day before if I needed to attend.  Luckily, my last name fell between I and V–all of us alternates in that alphabetical range had to show.

    I was assigned to Daley Center (another big relief–the easiest court for me to get to), and last week Monday, I made my way downtown (have I told you lately that commuting is for the birds?) and into the jury room.  I turned in my paperwork and was assigned to a specific panel and told to sit in the holding pen with the other prospective jurors.

    As time went on, different panels were called to court.  Our county has a “one day/one trial” policy, where you either sit in the holding pen for the day, or you have one case.  Then you’re done for at least a year.  Not a bad deal–until you get the $17.20/day paycheck.  Still, as time went on and my panel still wasn’t called, I got antsy.  Would I not be picked to go to court?  11:00 hit, and they turned the TV’s on in half the room, blaring crap daytime television, forcing me over to the quiet side of the room, where a handful of us tried to read or work.

    Finally, around 11:30, my panel was called.  Wh-hoo!  A police officer shepherded us down to a municipal court room, and we awaited jury selection.  I was in Judge Casandra Lewis’ courtroom, and the case turned out to be a car accident involving a civilian and a cop.  Oh, boy, would this be interesting!

    I was in the first group of people to be chosen for the jury.  We were all asked various questions on whether we were fit to serve for this case.  It’d be a two-day trial.  Would that cause anyone undue hardship?  Did you know anyone involved with the case?  Were there any health issues?  An older woman piped up on that last one.  Judge Lewis asked her what was up.

    “I have diabetes and high blood pressure,” the woman said.

    “And that would prevent you from serving, how?” asked the judge.

    “Um, well, I have medications and I have to eat at certain times…and my kidneys…..” the woman attempted, trailing off.

    “We’d make sure you’d get breaks to eat, if you needed.  My father had the same problems.”  Shot down!  Way to go, Judge!

    However, this self-proclaimed “retired homemaker” did get excused from the jury.  As she shuffled out, she kept saying, “Thank you, Jesus!  Thank you, Jesus!”  Lady, (a) jury duty isn’t that bad, (b) you look like you could use the 17 dollars, and (c) what the heck is a “retired homemaker”?  I can see if you live in senior housing that has an onsite dining room which means you don’t cook, but don’t you still make a home in some way, shape, or form?  I mean, even homeless people sleeping on the streets still make homes in boxes, or with blankets, or with shopping carts.  How do you retire from homemaking?

    I’m still curious about the retired homemaking thing, but I’m glad she didn’t get on the jury.  I made it through in the first round, and was escorted to the jury room until we had our 12 jurors and 1 alternate.

    The trial was to be a two-day trial, and it basically was.  It wasn’t as dramatic as you see on television, but it had the same elements–opening statements, plaintiff, defendant, closing statements.  Because this was a civil suit, we didn’t have to decide guilt or innocence, rather, in favor of one side.

    The case basically went like this:  A woman was driving home from work, traveling northbound on a two-way street.  At the same time, a cop car a couple of blocks over responds to a call looking for a suspect on foot heading their way.  The cops turn on their lights (and perhaps their siren) and head off, turning on a one-way street to get to their destination.  However, they’re driving the wrong way.

    Back in the woman’s car, she hits the intersection and doesn’t stop–she doesn’t need to because she doesn’t have the stop sign, the east-bound street does.  However, she didn’t see the flashing lights heading her way and the fact that a cop car was trying to roll through the intersection. The cop car hits her car, causes some damage, and jars her.  The cop goes to check on her and after a few minutes decides she probably needs an ambulance.  She takes the ambulance to one hospital, waits for a couple of hours, then goes to a different hospital, complaining of chest, breast, arm, leg, and foot pain.  The hospital doesn’t find anything.  The next day she heads to a chiropractor.  She’s off work for a little while and is in chiropractic care for a couple of months.  She would like the city to pay for her bills, her lost wages, and a little pain and suffering.

    Mostly, this case was “he said/she said” (or, possibly, “a cop hit us, and we are going to get some money out of them”), but we ended up finding in favor of the cop.  Why?

    • The plaintiff was looking straight ahead while she drove, yet noticed trick or treaters on the sidewalks.  This means she was using her peripheral vision anyway.  She didn’t see the flashing blue light coming at her from the wrong direction?
    • Claims of ‘a hill in a park completely obstructing my view of the cop car’ were hard to believe, since Chicago’s not that hilly of a place.
    • Witness for the plaintiff?  A very nice neighbor lady who was at home when the crash happened watching TV with her husband.  She heard the crash but didn’t see anything, and saw the lights on the cop car.  What good was that testimony?
    • “Pain and suffering” for the plaintiff’s husband?  Having to cook for and play with their three kids while the plaintiff was laid up.  Most people call it “stepping up and doing your job as a parent,” not “pain and suffering.”
    • We really believed the cop’s testimony that he slowed down for the intersection and rolled through it.  Supposedly another SUV had yielded and the plaintiff went around that, so the cop didn’t see her until the very last second.  We weren’t sure about that SUV, but we believe the cop’s actions.  If he’d have been going faster, there would’ve been a lot more damage.
    • We also thought that two cars hit the same place at the same time, and it was an accident (or she should have seen the cop car and yielded right of way).  Even if she was hurt–and she probably was–it wasn’t necessarily due to the cop.  She could’ve been at fault.  If she was at fault, the city shouldn’t be paying her bills.
    • Driving the wrong way down a one-way street factor didn’t matter–it was legal at the time for cop cars with their lights on to do so.

    Although our decision was pretty quick, it was still tough to do.  The woman didn’t seem to have a lot of money, yet she had a lot of medical bills (one chiropractor had a lien on the case), to the tune of over $7,000.  Lost wages?  $365.  Yep, just over three hundred, which made me feel bad.  Pain and suffering desired?  $15,000.  You know, because a husband had to temporarily take care of his kids.

    What could’ve helped the plaintiff?

    • Pictures of the car would’ve been nice.  Supposedly these cars were “t-boned.”  T-boned!  Stuck together!  Totally awful!  But the cop testified that his front fender only had a couple of nicks on it.  So show us the car to give us a better story….or was it not that bad?  And why no asking for money for the car?
    • Coach your plaintiff and the witnesses.  The plaintiff couldn’t say the officer’s name right, which really confused me.  She also claimed that the cop driver never got out of the car and talked to her, that it was his partner.  Both the cop and his partner said otherwise.  Having to basically tell the husband what the so-called hardship was didn’t play well either.
    • Show us some medical visuals!  Oh, the defending attorneys brought out the easel for the closing statements, and we all got excited over seeing some images.  However, it turned out to be enlargements of hospital reports.  Bummer.  Show us something in the x-rays or whatever test would show nerve problems.  Yes, nerve problems are tricky to show, but there’s got to be a way.
    • The accident happened three years ago.  Everyone went through a deposition in–I think–April 2008, and the plaintiff’s attorney kept trying to trick the defendant (and witnesses) in piddly numbers that they didn’t repeat verbatim.  He said earlier he was going 25 miles an hour!  Now he says he’s going 20!  Um, it’d be different if it was 25 vs. 50.  And if he blew through the intersection at 50 miles an hour, she’d have a lot more medical issues than hurt boobs, and the almost instantaneous visit to the chiropractor might’ve made sense, though the hospital would’ve probably admitted her in that case.

    At any rate, it was a good couple of days.  The jury couldn’t talk to each other until deliberations, and that was uncomfortable.  When we could finally speak, all the tension went out of the room.

    Another interesting tidbit?  One juror didn’t show up for day 2, which meant an alternate got to serve.  We don’t know why she didn’t come, but if she doesn’t have proof of a real emergency, she could be in serious trouble of violating the oath she took as a juror and could even go to jail.

    Was jury service everything I’d hoped it to be?  Sure, even though I thought the trial could’ve gone a little quicker.  I get that lawyers have to repeat the same thing over and over in hopes that you’ll believe them, but when a case has holes, it’s tough to listen to the nonsense again and again.  However, it’s one more thing I can cross off the list, and even though I won’t have to serve again for another year, I’d do it again if I’m called.

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